 Wow.
All I can say is just “wow.”
I am amazed. I have never seen a movie that, with such skill
and efficiency, managed to tap into every element of flat-out
horrible in just less than two hours.
Seriously, before I watch “Win a Date with Tad Hamilton”
again, I would rather be strapped down to a table with my
legs spread eagle and have midgets dressed up like mimes
maliciously pound me in the groin with ball peen hammers
for the duration of what I would spend watching “Tad
Hamilton.” That way I win two fold: I never have to
see “Tad Hamilton” and I’ll never have
a chance at having children … thus sparing them the
agony of ever having to see “Tad Hamilton.”
Now I’m not one of those “man’s man got
to do what the media tells me is expected of a guy”
kind of guys. I know I’m supposed to like sports and
power tools and chicks in bikinis.
I know I’m supposed to like trucks and hate shopping
with my girlfriend. I know I’m supposed to be a huge
lumbering moron and be very happy that I am so, like it’s
a gift.
I know I’m supposed to be a lazy inconsiderate slob
that can’t express his emotions but is still loved
by his slightly wiser girlfriend who understands the inner
workings of guys.
I know my best friend is supposed to be a dog and I’m
supposed to have poker nights and most of all, I’m
supposed to hate the so-called “chick flick.”
Look, I have no problem with romantic comedies. “Chasing
Amy” was awesome. “Here on Earth” is spectacular.
But “Tad Hamilton” is the intellectual equivalent
of drinking a can of paint thinner and then writing a love
letter to your sweetie, who happens to be imaginary.
The worst part was how “Tad Hamilton” tried to
conduct itself as a farce, with our underdog guy hero griping
about the predictability of chick flicks with stunning rhetoric.
Funny?
No. It took a great idea of self-mockery and threw it away
within the first 20 minutes.
After that it was played-out jokes and “deep,”
meaningful conversations (piercing gazes included) that perfectly
showcased the frailty of human emotions and the time-honored
lesson that love conquers all … except not really.
There’s no other way to describe “Tad Hamilton.”
It just sucks. It sucked so much that halfway through the
film I found myself listening to (and trying to follow the
plot of) “You Got Served” through the wall.
This film was not only painfully predictable, but a testament
to the idiocy of Hollywood execs.
To think, there was some waterlogged moron out there who
thought up “Tad Hamilton” and even worse, there
was someone who had accumulated millions of dollars and was
perfectly willing to throw it into the production of this
pile of garbage.
So where did those midgets get off to?
First, let me just say that I would much rather win a date
with Topher Grace than with Tad Hamilton. Just geeky enough
to be completely adorable (and may I venture so far as to
say extremely attractive?), he plays a great romantic comedy
lead.
Now as far as the movie, it was everything any of us expected.
I predicted every scene, a good two-thirds of the lines and
any fool could see the ending coming.
It was just exactly like every “While You Were Sleeping
in Seattle with the Wedding Planner from Sweet Home Alabama,”
sappy, “ohmygdheissocute” movie ever made. Yes.
It was cookie cutter. It was textbook. It blatantly overused
stereotypes. It paired a cute blonde with Captain “Never
Had a Chance With Her.” And guess what? They live happily
ever after and dance in the rain.
Sorry kids, I thought it was fantastic.
Romantic comedies have received such a bad rap over the years
for lacking in the area of creativity.
I ask you, how many mo vies that do venture onto the side
of “groundbreaking” ever truly entertain audiences
the way horror/ninja/fast car/underdog sports teams or chick
flicks do?
This film in particular had all of the necessary elements
to make it entertaining. Well, at least to this 21-year-old
hopeless romantic, anyway.
Peter, played by “That 70s Show’s” Topher
Grace, is a character most of us can either understand or
fall in love with.
He’s smart (he reads Flannery O’Connor in one
scene, hooray!), he’s witty (oh, the cheesy lines),
and ladies, he sings along to Barry White when he cooks.
And of course, he is in love with his best friend Rosie.
Le sigh.
Kate Bosworth is the bubbly blonde Piggly-Wiggly employee
who is picked to go on a date with, well, Tad Hamilton. Josh
Duhamel, an actor I’ve never heard of, plays a convincing
role as an ego-driven and quite hunky Hollywood superstar
who falls in love with Rosie.
Duh.
There are twists, there are turns, there are surprises in
the plot that will leave your head spinning for days …
Actually no. But that doesn’t make it any less cute.
So the final say? Ladies, ditch the man (this movie will
definitely evoke whining from him), grab your girlfriends
and laugh and fawn over the sheer cuteness of this movie.
Be careful, however. You may go into sugar shock.
I give this one four weeping hearts. Oh my, how my heart
smiles.
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