April 15, 1997

From Bolivia to Cairo
North Carolina is diverse
Matt Bielejeski
Columnist

Living in North Carolina long enough, one notices the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) oddities of this great state.

One such oddity is town names. Town names that project splendor, majesty and productivity are sometimes overshadowed by towns that have the weirdest names. With a little bit of time and a very informative book, I decided on my personal faves:

Ararat, Bolivia, Cairo, Little Switzerland, Nazareth, New Holland and Turkey- I put these towns in my so-called "geography" group. Most of them were named by people who came from overseas and recognized some aspect of their home country here in the U.S.

I think the person who named New Holland had a big vision of a Dutch takeover of the US, but he visited our next town too often and lost motivation.

Hemp - Ah yes, a town named for that lovely substance that gives us rope and clothing. I think it also has something to do with a mind-altering substance, but I can't remember...

Bailey's - Also in the realm of mind altering substances is Bailey's, a town probably named for his Irish Creme. Of course, they could have just named it Bailey, but I guess the namers wanted to make it clear that his Irish Creme was the reason for the name. Go figure.

Blowing Rock, Climax, Erect, Passion and Wood (huh-huh) - Here come the sexual town names; I have actually driven past the exit sign to Climax. If you put all the towns together, one might find 99% of the state's prostitutes in one place. Blowing Rock is my favorite; a town that advocates fellatio and crack cocaine in one convenient location (thanks to John Starling).

Ether- A town named for an anesthetic? What? It seems to me that some people got really bored with naming towns after a few hundred years.

Whitehead- Remember those lovely little facial apparitions that appeared the night before The Big Date? They're back....all collected to ruin your next dinner engagement.

Valhalla- It's time for Norse mythology. Now Odin can receive the souls of slain Nordic warriors here on Earth too, not to mention in good ol' North Cackylacky.

Rockyhock- Speaking of Cackylacky, how about Rockyhock? What the hell is that? Now I know a hock is somehow related to a cut of meat, so I figure that the town must be named after The Italian Stallion's rump roast.

Loafer's Glory- A town where laziness is praised. A perfect vacation spot for the overworked college student.

Sanatorium- Another place for the overworked college student.

Waco- Yes, in fact, we do have a place for the remaining Branch Davidians to form a new compound. Now taking applications for nutcases (check in Sanitorium)

Mashoes- This town gets my vote for the "What-in-the-Hell?" award.

Apparently, the town was named for a Frenchman who was shipwreck with his wife and child. When he awoke on shore, still holding them both, he realized they were dead. He spent the remaining 20 years of his life insane, until he laid against a cypress hill and died.

Maury- A town named for the glorious day-time talk show host and former journalist for "A Current Affair".

Spillcorn, Askewville- Now it seems to me that if you were in Askewville and carrying Corn, it would be quite easy to Spill.

Whynot, Worry- I'm reasonably sure Alfred E. Neuman was born somewhere around these two towns.

Norlina- Alright, this boredom thing has gone far enough. Instead of inventing an original name, the namers of this town figured, "Gee, let's take North Carolina, squeeze it together real tight, and we can get Norlina!" Three cheers for the bright geniuses of "Norlina".

Bat Cave- Home to Batman, the Batmobile, the Batwing and Alfred, his good-natured butler.

Bearwallow- This town has my vote for most bizarre name. Apparently, bears liked to wallow in a pond near the town. I didn't even know bears could wallow, much less liked it. Pigs I can understand; that's their job, they wallow in mud. But bears? If you say so....

All of the towns listed here are actual towns in North Carolina. You can learn more about them by checking out "How They Began: The Story of North Carolina Names and Other Places," at our oh-so valuable Carol Grotnes Belk library.

[back]

Our Opinion

Fellow seniors, you're not alone
Editor's Note
Vanessa Urruela

I've got a confession to make. For the past four months all I've thought about is getting a job. My friends and family have told me over and over again not to worry, but I can't help it. The proverbial rest of my life is about to begin and all I'll have to show for my time in college is a diploma, papercuts from the more than 40 resumes I've sent out, and receipts for the mountains of stamps it's taken to send them.

I've been interviewed and offered positions that I just can't take. One newspaper asked me to start immediately and finish up school later. This weekend I interviewed at a town that's in the poorest county in South Carolina. It was an adventure going all the way down there (300+miles!) and I'm pretty sure I don't want to live in a place that has a 20 percent unemployment rate and a Piggly Wiggly that sells whole hogs. Why is it that the only jobs thrown my way have been ones I can't or won't take?

I'm pretty good at worrying myself sick and for a while I was at rock bottom- scared senseless and feeling all alone.

The final straw for this potentially unemployed Editor was a recent trip to Wal Mart for more resume paper. All that was left was a slightly jaundicy yellow hue that only comes in packages of around 500 and costs a lot. That was all I needed to remind myself that I'm not alone on the jobhunt.

All those neat packages of paper that I imagined would still be left weren't because they were being used by my peers- twentysomethings in dire need of a way to pay off their student loans and eat come May.

What I realized during that Wal Mart trip was that I'm not alone in my frustration. Not everyone has academic departments to help them with convenient job placement. Everyone's dad doesn't own his own company. Lots and lots of people are in the same boat that I am.

The recognition that I gained from that trip was comforting. Things will work out the way they're going to work out no matter how hard I worry. My new-found belief in predestination is quite a safety blanket. My new mantra is, "chill."

I've scanned the classifieds, sitting on my knees in my living room, red marker in hand until my kneecaps wanted to crack and my eyes got tired. I've surfed the Internet only to find outdated, low paying jobs in places like Utah. I've called around until my long distance phone bill got monstrous. I even broke down and went to the Career Center.

The best thing I can do is keep on truckin' and hope that the best is yet to come. One thing I do know is that I can get a job, the challenge is in getting the one I really want. Until that happens, I'll just go with the flow and try to salvage the rest of my senior year by having fun in between panic attacks.

All I really want is a big, slobbery dog and an apartment with windows. That seems do-able.

[back]

E-mail The Appalachian Online at theapp@conrad.appstate.edu