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Young people may feel pressure for relationship |
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Tuesday, 03 April 2007 |
by LINDSAY TIGAR
Lifestyles Reporter
It’s asked on tax forms, by mothers at Winter Break, by strangers at first introductions and even on Facebook.com registration.
‘Are you single?’
According to a New York Times article published earlier this year, 51 percent of all women live without a spouse.
College may be early to start thinking about relationships or marriage,
but many college women find pressure to be in a relationship.
“Some theorists believe we have an innate drawing to be with another
person,” Dr. Carol L. O’Saben, associate director of Counseling and
Psychological Services for Appalachian State University, said.
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Sarah E. Walker, a freshman exercise major, and Todd D. Link, a sophomore management major, have been in a six-month relationship.
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“This occurs at developmental stages, especially in adolescents or young adulthood.”
Women develop faster than men and may feel the pressure to be in a relationship earlier, O’Saben said.
Society, friendships, family members and media can all influence a person’s desire to be in a
relationship.
“Fairytales, cartoons, sitcoms and parents set up that women should be
in a relationship,” Dr. Amy Dellinger Page, an assistant sociology and
social work professor, said.
Growing up, women are “sold” the idea that there is security being in a relationship, but that isn’t reality, Page said.
“Men benefit more by being married or in a relationship,” Page said.
“They are more satisfied, healthier and economically advantaged. Women
do not report to be happier, healthier and sometimes feel like they are
held back in the economical standpoint.”
Traditional expectations play a part in societal pressure.
“It’s hard to break away from stereotypical views that you are raised
with,” O’Saben said. “You have to learn to be ‘me’ and not what you’ve
been conditioned to be.”
Being single presents the opportunity to be more confident as an individual, Allie C. Davis, a junior social work major, said.
Davis is currently single and said she does not feel pressured to be in a relationship.
“I feel that my career goals and education take precedent over a relationship right now,” Davis said.
Davis does agree that many college-aged women may feel pressure to be in relationships for a variety of reasons.
“Self-confidence may influence if a girl feels pressured to be in a
relationship,” Davis said. “And just looking in a magazine or an
advertisement on TV, everyone is attached.”
Those attached may deal with just as many pressures as those who are unattached.
“My family often pressures me about being single,” Kendra M. Johnson, a
sophomore social work major, said. “My mother constantly worries that I
will become too involved and less interested in school.”
Johnson’s mother may have reason to be concerned. A study performed at
Missouri Western State University examined the connection between
romantic relationships and college grade point average.
After studying undergraduate students, the study hypothesized that
involvement in romantic relationships will result in a lower GPA.
However, others involved in committed relationships feel their relationships make them happier, healthier and more focused.
Todd D. Link, a sophomore management major, and Sarah E. Walker, a
freshman exercise major, have been dating for six months and feel like
they have a healthy relationship.
“We’re involved in different things,” Link said. “She’s in a sorority, and I play football so we appreciate our time together.”
Link and Walker believe that giving one another space and being
understanding of who they are as individuals has helped their
relationship last.
“Having a girlfriend doesn’t mean we go out every night,” Link said. “I still have time with my friends
and so does she.”
The couple suggests that anyone seeking a relationship should know who they are first, be patient, open minded and trusting.
A person is not completed by another person but rather complimented, Walker said.
“Some girls don’t seem to think they are okay being alone,” Page said.
“If you’ve never had even a few days where you weren’t in a
relationship, you can never find who you are as a person without being
defined by someone else.
“Relationships are portrayed as the end-all-be-all. That’s just not
reality. They have ups and downs, and it’s not easy,” Page said.
If relationships aren’t a part of some students’ lives, to fill the
pressure void, they should meet those needs in good friendships or
investing in more work or involvement, O’Saben said.
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