|
|
Dating violence: a month of awareness |
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, 02 October 2007 |
by LINDSAY TIGAR
Lifestyles Editor
“I wanted out after the first time he shoved me. But he apologized and threatened me. He said, ‘if you ever leave, I’ll come after you and your family. I’ll find you.’”
This is the testimony of senior psychology major Rachel E. Stanton.
She is not alone. More than four in every 10 incidents of domestic violence involve un-married individuals, according to the U. S. Bureau of Justice.
In fact, one of three women around the world will be beaten, forced
into sexual intercourse, or otherwise abused during their lifetime,
according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
The month of October is set aside to promote dating violence awareness nationally.
Stanton was a victim of dating violence during her sophomore year in high school.
The first incident occurred three weeks into her relationship and the violence escalated over the year they dated.
“The first time he abused me was at my house after school one day,” she
said. “I pissed him off because I was wearing a lower cut shirt that
day, so he slammed me up against the wall and hit me across the face.”
Stanton’s experience is not uncommon for women of any age or race.
“Some of the common myths or misconceptions we hear people say is that
it only happens to a person of a certain socioeconomic status or
certain type of background, but the fact is that it can happen to
anyone,” said Lesley J. Bullard, the shelter manager for OASIS.
Dating or domestic violence can manifest in physical violence such as
grabbing, shoving, breaking bones, or can be emotional or verbal in the
form of humiliation, systematic putdowns or isolation, said Bullard.
Another myth about dating violence is it can only happen to women.
“Men who suffer dating violence are not as reported,” said Suzette L.
Patterson, assistant director for the Center for Student Involvement
and Leadership. “There is some physical abuse, but it could be more
emotional or financially related.”
In addition, heterosexual relationships are also not the only type of partnership that suffers from dating violence.
“Same sex relationships have abuse as well,” Patterson said. “Gay men and lesbians still deal with abuse.”
Often times in violent relationships, warning signs of a possible attacker can be detected early in the relationship.
However, Stanton believes that it would have been difficult to detect warning signs of abuse.
“He had a really outgoing personality. He was a popular guy,” Stanton said.
Indicators of controlling tendencies can range from isolating one
partner from others in their lives, intense jealousy, insecurity,
stalking, or playful use of force in sex, said Bullard.
“A potential batterer may have an overall victim attitude,” Bullard
said. “Everything going wrong in their lives is the fault of someone
else or something else outside of themselves.”
Stanton realized shortly into her previous relationship that she needed
to escape and, with the help of a friend, was able to do so.
If she had not been able to leave the relationship, Stanton fears she may have experienced irreversible damage.
“Truthfully, I think eventually he would have killed me, just because of the way the violence escalated,” she said.
OASIS in Boone offers several resources for women who are involved in dangerous, violent relationships.
“We offer confidentiality, court advocacy, medical advocacy and we also
have a confidentially located shelter for people who need to get some
immediate assistance getting out of a dangerous situation,” Bullard
said.
The shelter is limited to women and children only, but OASIS can
provide short-time hotel rooms for men who experience dating violence.
Even after a victim is able to escape from a violent relationship, the effects of abuse are long-lasting.
“I have to decide if I can tell someone I’m dating about the abuse,”
Stanton said. “And I have to question if I want to, if I trust them.”
Patterson also believes that women who were part of violent
relationships often accept less than the best in future relationships.
“They are so happy not being hit or abused that they put up with
emotional abuse instead,” Patterson said. “They lower their standards
and they are mistrustful in entering into a supportive relationship.”
Stanton has been able to make a recovery and is currently in a three-year relationship with a non-abusive man.
“He talked to me a lot about it and before meeting him, I never talked
about it,” Stanton said. “He’s really sensitive about certain things
I’m weird about.”
Patterson suggests that women take the opinions of people they are close to into consideration.
“If your friends and family are concerned, take a minute and consider their concerns,” she said.
Trackback(0)
 |
|
|
Lifestyles 
TrackBack URI for this entry
Show/Hide comments
