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Red Bull helps students study, develop alcoholism |
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Thursday, 14 February 2008 |
I feel like I can be honest with you, so I’m just going to come out and say it: Red Bull is threatening your life.
Last week, I bought a Gatorade at The Market, and what the lady behind the counter said to the girl in front of me (and more importantly the ensuing conversation) really opened my eyes.
The girl was buying a four-pack of Red Bull, the infamous caffeine-heavy drink that has been related to all kinds of conditions from insomnia to heart attacks and death (if you trust people from The Netherlands), but most frequently and importantly, the capability to create deadly alcoholic beverages and mixes the likes of which the world has never seen before.
“Can I see your ID?” the lady behind the counter asked.
Dumbfounded, the girl asked why.
The lady laughed and said she was only kidding, but then explained that she wouldn’t be surprised if
one day it became necessary for students to be 21, the human age at which alcohol has been
scientifically proven to no longer be dangerous, to purchase Red Bull on college campuses.
She explained that “they,” which I can only assume to mean herself and the benevolent, big brother-like
organization she works for (you may know it as “The Administration”) knew what “we,” which I can only
assume to mean the thousands of out-of-control, tuition-paying drunkards (sometimes known as
“students”) “did with that stuff.”
I can only assume that statement implied that, for whatever reason, people deface perfectly healthy
Red Bull with their favorite liquor, perhaps Jagermeister, creating some sort of a caffeine-alcohol
cocktail which they then use as an excuse for urinating in public, losing control of the volume of their
voices, and sleeping with their best friend’s significant other, sibling(s), cousin(s), parent(s), and/or
pet(s).
Some people will tell you Red Bull has many positive uses, and they will tell you stories about how
they managed to stay up all night cramming for an exam and managed to pass it or winning a bet about
staying up for three days straight.
Is it worth it for the community to sacrifice these benefits? Is it really okay to outlaw Red Bull sales to
minors just because a few careless individuals mix it with alcohol?
Of course it is.
What I’m disappointed about is that no consideration has been given to all of the other dangerous
possibilities.
Sure, Gatorade can help athletes and generally active people rehydrate and replace electrolytes, and
orange juice may have a multitude of vitamins useful for promoting good health, but these positive
benefits should not outweigh the fact that the people who can’t drink liquor straight and may have
otherwise resorted to playing Guitar Hero or using other controlled and illegal substances, like cocaine,
use these “mixers” to allow them to consume alcohol before their 21st birthdays.
That’s the problem, and we need to solve it, no matter the cost.
The bottom line is this: if we are to call ourselves a responsible society that is serious about stopping
underage drinking, every state is going to have to crack down and outlaw the sale of Red Bull,
Gatorade, orange juice, dark and light sodas, limes, salt, ping-pong balls, plastic cups, and a number
of other items which we shall deem “alcohol paraphernalia,” effective immediately.
That is the challenge before our great university. Now who will step up to meet it?
Liles Neal, a sophomore political science major from Concord, is a sports reporter.
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scientifically proven to no longer be dangerous"... I sincerely hope you are not serious. Alcohol is the most dangerous drug on the planet. That being said, red bull doesn't have much more caffeine than mountain dew (20 more mg) and still less than a regular 8oz cup of coffee. I don't believe it's as infamous as you think, rather the first mainstream energy drink in the US.
Also, I hope you are sarcastic when you say you must ban all liquids that could possibly mixed with alcohol. Maybe look to the source of this underage drinking problem instead, rather than pointing fingers at Red Bull, since people are going to do what they please.