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Worst Person of the Week |
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Wednesday, 23 April 2008 |
Top 10 Worst People of the Year: Part I
Well, what can I say?
It’s been an event-filled year, highlighted with prominent people doing dumb things.
From every incident, scandal, or case of pure idiocy, my time spent dissecting popular culture has evoked a rollercoaster of emotions.
I’d say resentment and frustration were a couple popular feelings, but it was the absurdity and hilarity of these people I really connected with.
Of course many of the people that I’ve discussed have committed egregious acts that should be taken
seriously, but when the irony and comedy is kicking you in the face, it’s hard to ignore it.
Yeah, I see you Mark Foley.
Without further ado, the finale is an all-star, top-ten list of the worst people since the column’s existence.
Honorable Mention: Isiah Thomas
There are
8th-year seniors at Appalachian State who have a better resume than
Thomas. Within the year, Thomas managed to be involved in a sexual
harassment lawsuit with a former intern while simultaneously leading
his team to a last-place finish in the division. Often the recipient of
cacophonous booing by Knicks fans, Thomas is widely considered the
culprit in the destruction of one of the most revered sports teams in
American history.
Make no mistake about it; the Knicks are now one of worst franchises in professional sports.
When a coach and his star player (Stephon Marbury) are not on speaking terms because they hate
each other so much, yet both are accused of sexually harassing the same intern, and the player then
blackmails the coach on-record, that’s not what you call running a clean outfit.
Thomas has recently been fired from his head coaching position, and
let’s hope after running three NBA franchises and the entire CBA league
into the gutter that his career in management and coaching has ceased.
10th Place: Lou Dobbs
This particular
CNN anchor is the host of “Lou Dobbs Tonight,” also known as “The
Xenophobic Hour” or “The Immigrants’ War on the Middle Class.”
Lou’s chief concern on his prime-time show is that illegal immigrants and globalization are taking away jobs from Americans.
If a man or woman can come over to this country without knowing the language and without proper
training and take your job from you, then I have no sympathy. Never does Dobbs bring up the real
issue prohibiting us from adapting to globalization: education.
But in the meantime, thanks for diverting America’s attention from real issues, Lou.
9th Place: Michael Vick
Wow, this story sure got a lot of coverage this year. Too much.
Nevertheless, Vick is serving time for an obscure crime and will probably never fully recover from the incident. Meanwhile, PETA can euthanize animals and dispose of their carcasses in a dumpster, then turn around and shove a chicken-torturing video down your throat at a concert.
Oh, the hypocrisy.
Still, Vick took a big sack on his one. He fumbled his athletic potential down the drain and sustained a
grade-three concussion to his public image.
Enough with the metaphors, he’s done.
8th Place: Hillary Clinton
Sometimes I
think Hillary Clinton has endured some unfair criticism. Considering
all of the questions she gets about Bill’s infidelity and about how
tough a woman can be on terrorism, sometimes I feel a little sorry for
her.
And then I realize that she is a Clinton – a centrist, people-pleaser that has Bush-esque ties to special interest groups. She is a page from an old book of dirty politics and pointing fingers. Both Democratic candidates have been ridiculous with their petty, verbal sparring. But Clinton takes the cake with the “elitist” branding of her opponent, as well as with the incredibly trifling condemnation of “Bittergate.”
Holding on by a thread, Clinton is begging voters to realize she’s not as bad as she seems (seriously).
We want to believe you Hillary, but you’re changing your campaign managers so fast that we can’t
keep up with your constantly revamping message. Hillary has developed multiple personalities similar
to those Michael Keaton displayed in “Multiplicity.”
And her campaign has been carried out as poorly as the plot sequence in the aforementioned film.
7th Place: Larry Craig
There is a
University of Georgia study that puts qualitative data to the notion of
homophobia as related to repressed homosexuality. Heterosexual, male
test subjects took a series of tests to determine whether or not they
were homophobic – namely evaluating the amount of “dread” concerning
homosexuals.
After determining the homophobic and non-homophobic groups, both were
shown erotica videos featuring heterosexual, female homosexual and male
homosexual acts. Responses were measured by the circumference
enlargement of the test subject’s penis.
The results indicated that while all subjects had a response to the
heterosexual and homosexual female erotica, the homophobic test
subjects responded overwhelmingly more to the male homosexual videos.
I only mentioned this because Craig has dedicated a significant amount of time to promote anti-gay legislation.
Then, he gets caught with his pants down (literally) in a men’s bathroom at the airport.
The Republican Representative subsequently resigned and attempted to withdraw his resignation.
Despite numerous gay men coming forth and arguing the contrary, Craig still adamantly claims he is not gay.
It’s okay, dude. It’s okay.
6th Place: Mike Huckabee
If the
endorsement video with Chuck Norris isn’t enough reason to have an
aversion to Huckabee, then you have a buffet of other options.
Is it not slightly odd to have a minister talking about 2nd Amendment rights?
I love how conservatives make guns a huge political rallying point
every election. No President ever elected will outlaw guns. It isn’t feasible for a slew of reasons, namely because the Bill of Rights is
untouchable.
The government is not going to take guns away from anyone. But 2nd
Amendment advocates aren’t as worried about that as much as they want
additional rights.
This week, Students for Concealed Carry on Campus is going to be
protesting state laws prohibiting permit-holding citizens from coming
strapped to class.
Judging from the criteria requirements for obtaining a permit, I couldn’t think of a scarier scenario.
Imagine a heated class discussion erupting into gunfire. People can say
some disrespectful, insulting things within that setting. Someone’s
button could definitely be pushed. There’s no way anyone can say all
permit-holders will act rationally when verbally assaulted by a peer,
much less a professor.
But back to Mike.
People who like Huckabee are the same 29 percent who still approve of George W. Bush.
Instead of voting for the local rancher with oil on his boots, this
time they’re voting for the local Southern Baptist minister who’s
lobbying to change the middle-school’s science textbook in favor of the
Old Testament.
If Huckabee becomes vice president and people become complacent with
the blatant conflict of interest, Huckabee could turn McCain’s war in
the Middle East into a new crusade of sorts.
Scary.
Stay tuned for the top five later on in the week
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Show/Hide comments
Graham, I do believe you mean Illinois and not Iowa. While there was a shooting in Iowa at a university it took place 17 years ago.
And what facts are there that show gunfire would not erupt in classrooms? It is my understanding that Utah is one of the only (if not the only) state in the union to carry concealed. And while they might not have had gunfire erupt, I hardly believe Utah is a reliable indicator of the rest of the nation.
And it does appear that your predictions for the rest of Brandon Brown's list is wrong...wow, you being wrong...surprise surprise.
And George W. Bush, is just George W. Bush, he is not Jr....you'd think a fan such as yourself would know that.