Soulmates teach valuable lessons

There are those who soothe you. There are those who desire more than you thought possible. There are those who make no excuses and yet, excuse everything.

And then there are those who shake you.

The ones who awaken your spirit and open your thoughts. The ones who demand you to step outside of your boundary zone and make you a different person.

The ones that may or may not stay very long, but change the course of your life forever. The ones who you were meant to meet and rock you to your core.

It’s a token word we’ve been told for as long as most of us can remember: soulmate.

The idea there is one person out there who innately we are designed to meet and love. That by fate’s unpractical and mysteriously planned agenda –this person is the one individual that makes us…the inevitable “we” we are to become.

Part of me does believe there is a wonderful man out there –somewhere in this crazy world –that once I meet him, everything else will make sense.

The almost-there, the not-there-at-all, the short-lived and the gone-but-not-forgotten –will all just be in the past and the present will seem so much more vivid.

I think it’s a nice idea to believe in a person that makes all the confusion or ridiculous pattern of dating add together in a rational fashion.  It’s an idea I encourage –it keeps the chin up and the positivity streaming.

But, a bigger part of me believes everyone has more than one soulmate. Soulmates don’t have to be boyfriends or lovers, and they don’t necessarily have to be forever.

They are just the ones who radically change you and no matter how much time passes or how many street addresses change or hair grows longer or grayer- the memory of them doesn’t fade.

I’ve dated three guys with the same birthday, just different years. My mother and best friend would blame astrology and the matrix of the stars –and maybe there is a little truth to their argument.

But each of these guys, for some reason or another, have left an impact on my life. 

One introduced me to a world I was new to, one made me feel butterflies in every inch of my body and one showed me how important communication is. In the grand scheme of things, these three guys have meant as much to me as my only long-term boyfriend –even though the time spent with each of them added together doesn’t quite equate to three years.

Not because in some creepy twisted way they share the same birthday, but because of way they changed my life, for the worse or the better, –I consider each of these men to be a soulmate.

No, of course, I didn’t marry any of them (it’s a little more creepy twisted to think of marriage right now), but they are each faces and feelings I’ll never forget, and really, never want to discard.

Sometimes, as women, we make the mistake of thinking we have to have Mr. Forever, and we stop focusing on today.

The ultimate goal of each relationship isn’t marriage –but is rather, education. We have to date, fall in love, fall out of love, fight, have our heels go over our head and bury ourselves in layers of tissues –so we learn what we want.

And sometimes, what we really don’t want.  Or what we can put up with and what is completely intolerable.

Some relationships will never end in “I do,” and may not even make it through summers apart or more than a few weeks, but that doesn’t mean these relationships aren’t important.

I mean, some people even share that soulmate encounter with someone they only knew a day (think “Oh What A Night” by the Four Seasons), or share a stare from an ex or a stranger that touches them to their core (“You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt) –it’s not fair to write these relationships off because they’re short.

As you head to the theaters to watch “He’s Just Not That Into You,” and continuously analyze your dating life –remember not to be so hard on yourself and not be so narrowly focused.

Mr. Wonderful will come along one day, but for the time being, enjoy being a fabulous single you, or soak up the time you have with your Mr. Right Now.

And if you happen to have one of those earth-shattering moments where you lay eyes on one of your soulmates, smile and catch your breath. He’s one you’ll tell the grandkids about.

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