by NIKKI ROBERTI
Lifestyles Reporter

Many view Valentine’s Day as a time to give flowers and candy to your significant other to celebrate the relationship.

This year, Counseling and Psychological Services Center and Counseling for Faculty and Staff encourage couples to give each other a different gift: the gift of communication.

Today and tomorrow, both centers are hosting events to help students, faculty and staff to evaluate the relationships they are in.

Lovin

“The number one issue brought to the center has to do with relationships,” Denise M. Lovin, psychologist at the Counseling Center said.

Counseling for Faculty and Staff and the Institute for Help are joint sponsors for today’s workshop “Happy Valentines Day???” from 12 p.m. to 1:30 p.m. in the Hubbard Center.

Tomorrow, the Counseling Center will host a compatibility test in Calloway Peak of Plemmons Student Union from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.

The workshop is based on the work of author Harville Hendrix and primarily focuses on his book, “The Love You Want.”

 “[Hendrix] says people go into marriage expecting their spouse to heal their childhood wounds and often that’s where marriage gets into trouble,” Ingrid Kraus, the director of Counseling for Faculty and Staff Kraus said.

For example, If you feel “loved and cherished” when people celebrate your birthday, but your spouse wasn’t raised to celebrate birthdays, you are more inclined to feel hurt and unloved and it will ultimately become a source of conflict, Kraus said.

Theoretically, you could tell your spouse how you felt and your spouse would try to adapt to meet your birthday needs; however, when the spouse refuses to change is what Kraus said the workshop will address, taking these theories a bit further.

The workshop will hold exercises for participants and also explore the question “what is your responsibility to yourself to create experiences that make you feel loved and cherished?”

“Originally the workshop was for just faculty and staff but a few students have signed up and we are happy for them to come,” Kraus said.

The workshop is for anyone and their partner, married or not, and while it was designed for couples, individuals may take the course as well.

There are 16 slots available and those interested can register at workshops.appstate.edu.

The compatibility test for couples tomorrow will take around a half hour to complete as couples fill out an individual survey, a survey together, and then talk to a counselor who evaluates both surveys.

Individuals with a relationship in mind may attend as well and same sex couples are encouraged, Lovin said.

“The compatibility test is to get people to think about their relationship and communicate in a way that is healthy they might not have done yet,” Lovin said.

“Many students know what feels good but they may not know the ingredients yet of what makes their relationship good.”

The Counseling Center offers couples counseling and is available for walk-ins Monday through Thursday from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m and Friday from 1 p.m. to 3 p.m.

Lovin hopes the event will help de-stigmatize the services of the center.

“We want all our students who feel stuck to see us as a resource to them,” Lovin said. “Struggling is such a normal part of college life.”

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