Elijah Wood to play Iggy Pop in biopic

It’s not often I’m simultaneously embarrassed for film and music on the same day. 

But that day happened Tuesday, when I read the following atrocious news.

Elijah Wood is playing Iggy Pop in the upcoming biopic “The Passenger,” which will focus on Stooges-era Iggy, set to come out this summer.

Wood, a self-proclaimed Stooges fan, admitted he is terrified of messing it up.

And he should be.

I just have a hard time believing Frodo can convincingly jump around on stage in some strange combination of raw sexual energy and violence.

Iggy Pop is one of the ugliest men to grace the stage, and Elijah Wood melts your heart with one look from those giant baby blues.

Iggy Pop represents everything dirty and nasty and everything you don’t want your parents to see.

Elijah Wood, on the other hand, is kind of like your little brother.

Iggy Pop is a punk superstar.

Elijah wood is beloved by indie kids for his roles in “Everything is Illuminated,” “Paris J’Taime” and “Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.”

It just doesn’t add up, but I guess that’s why it’s called acting.

Despite the questionable casting choice, Iggy has given his blessing and even reportedly said, “If he can play a hobbit, he should be able to play me!”

Pardon me, Mr. Pop, but I fail to see how playing a tiny, fat, hairy, lazy, peace-loving creature prepares you in anyway for playing a lanky, wrinkly, shirtless, energetic, self-mutilating and audience-bashing creature.

Inspired by MC5’s ability to kick out the jams, The Stooges shook up music with their angsty lyrics and insane performances in the late 60s and early 70s.

Everyone from Nick Cave to Jack White have cited the group as a top influence on both personal and musical levels.

Even the likes of The Sex Pistols covered The Stooges’ hit “No Fun.”

Their music is dirty in a way that is completely different from the type of dirt found on the feet of a hobbit.

The Stooges are worlds away from Gondor and Elijah Wood is worlds away from convincing me that he’d ever make a good Iggy Pop.

During his stint has the murderous “Kevin” in “Sin City,” Wood was only scary because he didn’t speak.

The second he opens his mouth to sing, “Gimme danger, little stranger,” Wood’s credibility is over. 

I have a sneaking suspicion “The Passenger” is one memory I will want to have erased by Dr. Howard.

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