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by ROB JENKINS
Sports Editor
As many of you may have seen Sunday afternoon, Jake FAILhomme failed against the Buffalo Bills as he led the Carolina Panthers to a fabulous FAILory.
It was truly remarkable how much FAIL he was able to cram into one game.
FAILhomme threw three interceptions and was sacked twice as the Panthers fell 20-9.
The blame for this loss belongs to FAILhomme and FAILhomme alone.
The Panther defense played great, holding the Bills to only 167 yards of offense.
DeAngelo Williams played well, gaining 89 yards and one touchdown on 16 carries.
The
Panthers could have won 9-6 if not for good ole FAILhomme: the only two
touchdowns the Bills scored in the game came after two
FAILhomme
interceptions. Buffalo returned a first quarter interception to the
7-yard line and punched it in two plays later. The Bills took a third
quarter interception to the Carolina 27 and scored six plays later.
The Carolina offense racked up 425 yards of offense, but FAILhomme killed promising drives with his stupid decisions.
After that abomination of a game, FAILhomme has thrown four touchdowns to 13 interceptions on the season.
You are probably expecting me to say I want FAILhomme to be benched. Well, I don’t.
With
FAILhomme at the helm, hopefully the Panthers will lose out so they can
get a higher draft pick. Of course, they don’t have a first round pick
next year, so the Panthers just have to hope someone falls to them in
the second round.
So,
instead of spending the rest of this column arguing for FAILhomme’s
benching, I am going to provide a list of things that are more
successful than Jake the Mistake.
The Maginot Line.
The 2008 Detroit Lions.
The 2007 Michigan Wolverines’ ability to defend the spread option.
Neville Chamberlain’s “peace for our time” speech.
The presidency of George W. Bush.
Scott “Carrot Top” Thompson’s comedy career.
The Ford Pinto.
Napoleon’s invasion of Russia.
New Coke.
Ohio State in BCS bowl games.
Rick Astley’s singing career.
The War on Drugs and the War on Terror.
The Pittsburgh Pirates. Every year.
AIG.
The Titanic.
Wake Forest offensive coordinator Steed Lobotzke’s playcalling abilities.
Amelia Earhart’s circumnavigational flight.
The abilities of Matt Millen and Isiah Thomas to draft players.
The Apple III.
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez’s box office smash “Gigli.”
Pets.com.
Betamax, eight-track and Laserdisc.
Matthew Haney’s attempt to get his door fixed for free.
Armanti Edwards’ ability to mow his lawn.
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