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Bipolar disorder support available |
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Wednesday, 16 April 2008 |
I have type II Bipolar Disorder.
That isn’t normally something that I would come right out and say to a person I just met… but it’s something I would say to someone who needs to consider his or her mental health important.
Because of my type II Bipolar Disorder, I tend to be more depressed than manic. Depression for people who suffer from Bipolar Disorder is more extreme than just your run-of-the-mill depression.
I couldn’t ever sleep, developed insomnia, and had to take high dosages of sleeping pills.
I didn’t want to/couldn’t make myself go out or do anything that I loved like photography or just hang
out with my friends, so I spent many nights in my room crying to the point of exhaustion and shaking
on my bed.
Everyone irritated me so badly that eventually people stopped talking to me because I’d be so mean.
I would go to sleep at night praying I wouldn’t wake up the next morning.
When I felt that way, I found myself hovering over kitchen knives and seriously thinking of driving my
car off the side of Old Fort Mountain.
I thought of my mom. I saw her falling to her knees crying, becoming uncontrollable.
I also thought of my dad - the man in my life who will always love me the most.
The thought of my parents having to suffer through losing me is what kept me from the many suicide
attempts I pondered.
Because I had such a bad case of self-loathing I blamed everything on myself… and I began cutting.
The day I started cutting myself I realized I needed help. I realized that if I couldn’t get my own act
together, I would need help picking up the pieces.
Once I was diagnosed, my psychologist sent me to a psychiatrist to be re-diagnosed and then
prescribed medication.
When I first started the mood stabilizers, all of the side effects hit me.
My moods became even more extreme. One day I was sitting curled up in a ball on the outside of
Sanford Mall with the spins, bawling, and on the phone with my mom telling her I didn’t want to live
anymore if I had to live with being bipolar.
All of this was due to the fact that there is no cure for Bipolar Disorder - just a lifetime full of
medications.
However, since I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I feel as if this door has opened to me. I’ve
received a better piece of mind because of it and I deem myself able to attempt to help others.
Sometimes my friends will mention to me how their friends are depressed, have extreme mood swings,
have crippling anxiety, cut themselves severely, have attempted suicide, and are miserable because of
the imbalances in their brains.
I don’t know how many times I had to hear this before I acknowledged it within myself but you are not
alone.
I felt so alone in this world, thought no one else felt the way I did, thought that it wasn’t fair that I had
to be so miserable.
I was right - it wasn’t fair.
It’s not fair to anyone who is suffering so badly they can barely make it through the day. It’s not fair
that people can’t remember what true happiness feels like.
But often when my friends come to me for advice or just to talk about the ones they care about the
most, they tell me the one they are speaking of doesn’t want to seek help.
Why? By the time most people acknowledge such disorders they have wasted some of the best years
of life, or even worse, it is too late.
Others don’t wish to seek help because they’re embarrassed or are afraid to tell their parents they don’t
feel right.
After saying all of that, I would like to thank modern medicine.
It saved my life. It saved me from self-inflicted physical harm and from holding myself back from
having a great life.
Anyone who is experiencing symptoms similar to those I described, I urge you to get help.
Appalachian’s Counseling and Psychological Services Center offers walk-in hours Monday-Thursday
from 1 to 4 p.m. and Friday from 1 to 3 p.m.
Anyone can visit the clinic during these hours without an appointment to be seen by a counselor.
Your mental health is just as important, if not more important, than your physical health.
Nothing bothers me more than someone my age suffering from a mental illness.
I’m not 100 percent sure about this from personal experience, but I hear these are the best years of our
lives.
Please don’t waste this time being miserable.
Jameykay Young, a sophomore technical photography major from Asheville, is an intern photographer.
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