Holiday music plays too early

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

At least that’s what I’ve been hearing on every speaker in every store since October.

That’s what everyone who has put out a Christmas album this year has told me.

I have an unnatural, child-like love of all things Christmas. 

But Christmas music and I have a long, complicated love-hate relationship.

After working in retail for the past three years, I can safely say there are only five Christmas songs, and each of them is performed by a multitude of artists, and then played on three-hour loops.

Christmas music was designed to torment retail employees as they go a-wassailing through the store, refolding the shirts Christmas shoppers have thrown around.

I can tolerate Christmas music beginning after Thanksgiving. I can even begin to like it beginning in December.

But, there is no excuse for Christmas music in October.

Halloween and Thanksgiving may not have their own special music, but lets not trump the gluttonous celebration of the slaughter of native people with preemptive Christmas festivities.

For two months, all I want for Christmas is for Mariah Carey to tone it down a few octaves.

AccuRadio.com currently offers 13 holiday stations for your listening pleasure.

Thank you, AccuRadio, for providing stations like “The Jingle Channel,” “Chestnuts Roasting,” and “North Pole Radio.” 

Everyone and their brother have released Christmas albums, re-singing the same songs we’ve all heard approximately one gajillion times.

Still, Christmas music has its place. It’s undoubtedly jolly and welcomes a season that makes my little heart smile.

A long time ago, my grandfather sat in the bar he co-owned shortly before Christmas.

As he was knocking back a grasshopper, a traveling salesmen convinced him to buy a 45 with a 1947 recording by Yogi Yorgesson: “I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas” and “Yingle Bells.”

The quirky songs went on to become hits on Dr. Demento’s radio show.

Although the 45 got replaced with a CD, the silly songs are sung every year without fail in my house – exaggerated Polish accents and all.

For two weeks each December, I can’t get enough holiday music. I soak it up like a very gleeful, red and green sponge.

Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole can melt any icicles with those warm, smooth voices.

Even The Muppets teamed up with John Denver for 1990’s “A Christmas Together,” providing some adorable seasonal fun.

Peter, Paul and Mary’s 1988 album “A Holiday Celebration” stands as probably my favorite holiday album, simply because it includes traditional African and Jewish songs and only one cliché Christmas song.

Still, these albums won’t be making an appearance for another week or so.

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